


DON'T LEAVE ME

by RumbleFish14



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Daddy Kink, Declarations Of Love, Dirty Talk, Drug Use, FBI, Fluff and Smut, Lust, M/M, No Lube, References to Drugs, Riding, Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:22:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11370597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RumbleFish14/pseuds/RumbleFish14
Summary: AFTER THE HITMAN CASE, SPENCER ALMOST RELAPSES DUE TO STRESS OVER HIS MOTHERS CONDITION AND DEREK'S HAPPINESS WITH SAVANNAH.HE LOVES DEREK BUT KNOWS HIS FEELING WILL NOT BE RETURNED, OR WILL THEY?DEREK CHECKS UP ON HIM TO MAKE SURE HE IS ALRIGHT BUT SEES SOMETHING HE CAN NEVER FORGET, WILL DEREK GET THERE IN TIME TO SAVE SPENCER BEFORE HE LOOSES HIMSELF...AND CAN HE RETURN HIS AFFECTIONS?





	DON'T LEAVE ME

**Author's Note:**

> TAKES PLACE AFTER THE HITMAN CASE, WHERE SPENCER WALKS HOME AFTER LEAVING DEREK WITH SAVANNAH AND GARCIA
> 
> MENTIONS DRUG USE, SO BEWARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT

DON’T LEAVE ME  
A MOREID ONE-SHOT

The case was closed, finally. After more than one year, it was over. Garcia was free, able to go back to life as she once knew it, before the network of hitmen had targeted her. All the man hours and research had all been worth it, just to see her smile again. Her joy was a living thing that she kindly shared with everyone. Thanking them more than once before she was ordered to go home and take a few days off.

Three of the hitmen were dead, the other two now serving 20 plus years in a federal prison, maximum security. This case had taken a lot out of the entire team but Spencer most. In order to establish rapport with the black widow, he was forced to share something private. His mothers condition had changed over the years. The only person, the only family he had, was forgetting him.

All the memories, the good times and the bad times, the smiles and the tears were all being washed away. Leaving Spencer truly alone in the world. And this time, no amount of medicine or medical treatments of any kind could stop it, or even delay it. Once she lost their history together, he would be alone. That wasn’t something Spencer was ready to accept or share with his team but that was out of his control as well. Kat, the black widow, had shared, no had forced his hand into telling them before he was ready. Those words could never be taken back or forgotten.

This had found Spencer driving Derek home. Normally Derek would drive but he knew Spencer needed the distraction, so he had kindly handed over the keys to his truck in order for Spencer to drive. He was raw now, after the confession, being around the team had been physically painful, being around Derek had been also. Knowing he was taking Derek back home, to his girl friend, his family, hurt him. Seeing the cozy, family sized house was like a knife to his gun. But, he stuffed those feelings aside as they walked up to the front door and Spencer handed him the keys back. They were supposed to be celebrating, not wallowing as he was doing. 

Derek stopped just as they both reached the front steps. He could feel the head on his back from Spencer’s stare. He turned and the heat evaporated as Spencer looked down at his feet. His hands stuffed into the pockets of his suit jacket. This night had been particularly hard on the kid. Being forced to share private information was awful. Derek could relate to it.  
It was time to reach out to him now that they were alone. He knew how much Spencer hated to show his true feelings around the team. He thought they treated him like a baby, which they did often. He wanted to tell Spencer that he understood how he felt right now, that he wanted to try and help him however he could. The problem however, was that Spencer didn’t share like that, with anyone. Trust was a big deal for him and with everyone that left his life, his ability to trust lessened each time.

“So, that research Savannah gave you…” he let the sentence trail off and Spencer nodded.

“Yeah.” That one solum word spoke volumes about his current head space.

“”Why didn’t you tell me kid?”

Spencer shrugged, “I guess I wasn’t ready to say it out loud yet. It makes it more real somehow.” Derek winced as Spencer’s soft voice cracked, poor kid. Nothing ever went in his favor. The world, life, was always finding new ways to test him. More like punish him. It just wasn’t fair. Derek raised one hand and let it rest against Spencer’s shoulder, “you can tell me anything kid. You know I would never betray your trust like that.”

Again that heartbreaking smile graced his face, “I know Morgan. I would have said something when I was ready to accept it.”

Derek just nodded and gently squeezed his shoulder, “you sure you don’t want to come in? The girls have probably started already.”

Spencer shook his head, “no, not really in the mood for company. They should celebrate and I just can’t right now.”  
His voice was tight with emotion. On the verge of tears already. The thought of faking happiness already sounded exhausting. It was just better to leave and not bring anyone else down with him.

It didn’t sit well with Derek to just leave him alone. He could see just about every emotion flick over his face. Everyone accept for happiness. And it was heart breaking. But Derek nodded anyways, “hey kid…” his voice died in his throat as Spencer turned around and really looked at him.

“Yeah?”

He couldn’t take it anymore. Derek tightened the grip on Spencer’s shoulder and pulled him in for an awkward hug. Spencer didn’t react but he didn’t pull away either. Touch was not something Spencer was ever comfortable with, not even with him. 

“I just, uh…” again the words just wouldn’t come out, “ya know?” He questioned, hoping that Reid knew what he was trying but failing to say.

Finally after a silent moment or two, those long arms went around his waist and squeezed tightly. Spencer sniffed into Derek’s neck and nodded, “I know.”

Derek closed his eyes, sighing in relief, “I mean it Spencer, I really do.”

The clearly unspoken ‘I love you’ was said between them. Spencer allowed himself to let go for a moment, to relinquish control to Derek for just a brief moment. He shut his eyes and tightened his grip around Derek’s waist as the first of many tears stared to fall.

In this moment Spencer was forever grateful for having someone like Morgan in his life. The only constant person he could count on for everything and anything. His best friend, only his friend and nothing more. The harsh truth of that was enough to make Spencer pull back, away from the comfort he was able to find.

“I know Morgan, I know.” Spencer said quietly, retracting his arms so he could wipe away the tears that had fallen.

“I’ll see you at work tomorrow kid, get home safe.”

Spencer nodded and turned on his heels to walk home since Derek drove, or had him drive Derek back home. In reality, he didn’t want to be alone. He wanted the company Derek offered but couldn’t be around Garcia and Savannah. The last thing he wanted was to see those two together. It would be too much to endure for the night.

**  
Derek watched Reid leave, feeling slightly less happy now that the genius was leaving. He really hoped that he could talk him into staying but it was clear that no amount of sweet talk was going to get him to stay. He was too raw to interact. There was something about that kid that always made things seem better, brighter somehow. He crossed his arms and watched the tall figure that was Reid disappear from sight. The front door opened behind him and he knew he didn’t want to have this conversation. He knew who it was and for the first time he was annoyed with her presence. He wanted the company of another. He hid the flinch when her arms circled his waist,just as Reid had done but it wasn’t the same.

“Hey, you alright?”

Derek nodded, “just worried about him is all. The case hit him hard.

“It hit you all pretty hard this time babe.”

That struck a nerve for some reason and he moved away from her. “Him more than the rest of us, you wouldn’t understand.”

Savannah scrunched up her face in irritation and crossed her arms defensively across her chest, “then enlighten me Derek.”

Derek shook his head, he should have just kept his mouth shut and acted like nothing happened. Now he had to deal with her and the shitty attitude she could get from time to time, “just forget it okay, I don’t want to fight about this right now.”

She laughed and it sounded like nails on a chalk board, “no, please tell me. I was just saying it was a hard case for all of you but apparently he is somehow more affected then the rest of you.”

“Yes, it was hard on everyone.”

Savannah scuffed and started to walk back into the house but stopped to get the last word in, “I might understand if you would confide in me every now and then.”  
“I can’t, not when it comes to Reid. I didn’t mean anything bad by saying you didn’t understand, I just want to help him somehow and I’m at a loss.”

Derek knew it was better just to say sorry now. Even if it wasn’t his fault. Unresolved tension wasn’t one of his favorite things to have hanging in the air. But he noticed it was happening more and more often then when they first got together. He had thought about it every now and then but it seemed they were fighting more and he wasn’t sure why. Half the fights they got into were purely stupid and made no sense but it happened anyways.

She just nodded behind him, rolling her eyes anyways. She was tired of hearing how much harder the younger man had it because no one would say why, “I know. Go, make sure he is alright, we can talk later.”

She turned to leave before Derek could comment further. He knew he would have to patch things up with her sooner or later but that wasn’t the number one thing on his check list at the moment. He was more worried about Reid going home alone, especially after a case like this, then he was about making sure she wasn’t pissed off at him. She would either get over it or they could pretend to work shit out like last time.

Derek palmed his keys and drove to Reid’s favorite Indian place, stopped off to grab a six pack of beer for himself and the rather pricey bottle of red wine that Spencer was fond of. He didn’t like to spend a lot of money on himself but Reid would shell it out every now and then to treat himself. The wine was way to sweet for the rest of the team, after they had tried it for the first time, they complained about getting cavities right after. So the entire bottle had gone to him, only Reid, that drank more sugar in his coffee than actual coffee could stomach it. He smiled at the memory and made his way back to his truck with his bag of goodies, if these didn’t make the kid smile, than nothing would.

**  
Spencer unlocked his front door and slowly walked in. Kicking the door shut behind him and making sure to lock it. He never left his door unlocked, too many cases at work had made him a little paranoid. It was pitch black outside, hinting that it was later than he thought. Normally he got home before the sun went down but as he walked home from Derek’s house, he stopped at the park that was closest to his house. He almost passed it completely but he saw a swing set and he just couldn’t resist. Memories of being a child, his mom pushing him flooded his mind and he was so determined to hold onto the memories, he lost track of time. 

Smile blossomed on his face before he could stop it. Too many good times with his mother at the park, the two of them on the swing set, playing chess and just being happy. Those were her good days, before her illness became worse. After that, she was too paranoid to go outside, always thought the government was watching them, studying them. He had made his way to the swings and sat down, the smile only staying on his face for a few seconds before it dropped. Now he would be the only one with these memories, he wouldn’t have anyone to share them with.

With a strangled gasp, the sound was half full of pity and the other was all fear, he held back the tears that welled in his eyes. The problem was he wasn’t able to get enough air anymore, his clothes seemed to stick to him like glue, suffocating him. His normal layers of clothing felt constricting and he was trying to hyperventilate. Spencer jerked his tie until it loosened enough to undo the first of a dozen or so small buttons on his vest. His hands shook for all of about two buttons before he became impatient and gripped both sides of the vest and pulled. The remaining buttons falling to scatter all over the floor. He chucked the vest to the side and did the same with his very pricey, purple button down shirt that Morgan had given him as a  
Christmas gift one year. It was too late by the time he realized what he had done, the shirt was ruined.

That’s what opened the flood gates, bringing the first tears to fall down his face. He should have taken the time to properly undo each button but he hadn’t thought about it until after it was too late. Spencer shrugged the ruined shirt off and held it to his chest. With his back to the wall, he slowly slid down until his ass was firmly planted on the hard floor. He kicked off his worn out Converse and did his best not to let more tears fall. Only he would cry over a torn shirt and not his sick mother. Boy, he had issues.

In a way, he was jealous she no longer had to remember their past. The hardships of their life together. The terrible memories of when his father left because he was too weak to handle her and the sickness that overtook her brilliant brain. So he left, not a phone call to check on her or his 10 year old son. Now Spencer wanted to forget. To let go and not have to worry about it anymore. He wanted to be the kid for once, to have someone take care of him. He didn’t want to be the parent to his parent. There was one way that would make him forget. It wasn’t something he was proud of and he had been fighting it for years but it was affective nonetheless. It would take him away from his own mind, for awhile at least.

Spencer fisted the ruined shirt and lifted himself off the floor. His legs already aching from being scrunched in the small hallway by the door. If what he needed wasn’t in the bathroom across his apartment, he would have been content to sit on the floor until he stopped feeling sorry for himself. Spencer didn’t run to the bathroom but he power walked like it was his job. Feeling that if he didn’t hurry, he would change his mind and be stuck with his own thoughts for the rest of the night. The only lights in the building were the hall of night lights he insisted on having on the entire time, only spaced away every few feet before there was another one. He pushed the door open to the bathroom and locked it behind him. The only sounds that registered were the soft hum of the air conditioner kicking on and the loud thumping of his heart beating.

He didn’t realize how bad his hands were shaking until he reached for the very well hidden drawer of the bathroom counter. One only he and one other person knew about. Inside were two full vials of dilaudid, a handful of sterile syringes and a tourniquet. His own self destruction kit. This time, bad memories flooded his mind. Being held and tortured by Tobias Hankel in that shed, close to death, alone. The drugs were used against his will but now, he was grateful for it. The habit didn’t arise until after but he had been able to kick it, with a little help of course. a decade sober and all that hard work trying to be clean, was soon coming to and end. It was all for nothing, he wasn’t able to resist the urges anymore.

Before he touched anything, Spencer stared at himself in the dimly lit bathroom. The reflection in the mirror looking like the zombie version of himself. His eyes were bloodshot and red for lack of sleep and balling like a baby over a lost shirt. Worry clear on his face, trying to think of ways to help his mother, and failing. He looked like shit ran over twice. Even though he had kicked the habit, the cravings had never fully gone away. They were always with him in times of stress and depression, he knew just one hit of it and he would be home free, for awhile. But he had remained strong, fought off every urge, no matter how bad it got. He hadn’t had one in a long time, but when Gideon died, he slipped. It was just too much, the one person aside from his mother, to really care about him, had died. He couldn’t take it and let himself go for awhile. it took two weeks of Morgan to help him get clean and resist taking more but even that almost didn’t work. But Morgan had saved him that time. He knew if Morgan hadn’t been so strong willed, he would have been lost to the drug forever. 

Morgan had caught him inches away from sticking that poison into his favorite vein and Reid had never seen him so scared and upset than in that moment. But it was Morgan’s look of utter fear that made him stop. Derek had been strong enough to pull himself together and help Spencer get himself together also. He stayed and helped him resist, helped him when the worst of the withdrawal became too much, held him as he cried for it, told him no when he begged. Hee didn’t even hold it against him when Spencer had tried to seduce him, to bribe him with his body, for another taste of the drug. Derek was the one he went to when he started to jones for it, but not this time. This time, he was all alone and Derek wouldn’t be able to stop him, to pull him back or save him from himself. That’s what made him grab one vial, a needle and the tourniquet. His hands no longer shaking. This time, his soul, his mind and his body were in violent agreement, they were finally at peace with what he was about to do. He knew, one shot of this and he would be forever lost. The only thing he knew for sure, was that his mother would be taken care of, he made sure of that.

With his mind made up, Spencer grabbed the drugs and the shirt and climbed into the bathtub. His long legs bending at the knees, he was too tall to stretch out and take a bath but he felt safe here, comfortable. Only wearing his jeans that started to sag without his belt and the ruffled tie still around his neck. Goose bumps covered his chest at the coolness of the tub. He was ready, finally ready to let go. With expertise, he tied the tourniquet around the upper arm of his left and and his body let out a familiar shudder. His body remembered what it felt like and he craved it. As if on autopilot, he drew the desired amount he needed into the syringe and angled it towards his arm as a single tear dripped down his cheek.

**

Derek pulled up the Spencer’s building and turned off his truck. He reached into the seat next to him and grabbed the bags and headed towards the building. His eyes skimmed down the list of numbers until he found Spencer’s call button for the main door and pressed it. He looked up towards the window that led into Spencer’s living room and noticed the light was off. It was never off, Reid hated the dark. A bad feeling crept up his spine but he shrugged it off, Spencer was probably too raw and tired to realize it was off. But after he waited a few moments, Spencer hadn’t buzzed him up yet. So he rang Spencer’s neighbor, Mrs. Carmichael and her voice sounded immediately.

“Yes?”

He smiled at her soft tone even though it was really late, “sorry to bother you Mrs. Carmichael, it’s Derek.”

“Oh, it’s good to hear from you dear. It really has been too long.”

Derek grinned, “yes ma’am it has. Would you know if Spencer was home? He hasn’t buzzed me up.”

“I heard him slam the door about 20 minutes ago. He sounded upset, didn’t even stop to say hello like he normally does.”

Derek sighed, her voice spoke volumes and he could hear the worry in her voice, “would you mind buzzing me in, so I can check on him?”

“Of course dear, I do hope he is alright. Poor thing hasn’t said much since he got back from his vacation.”

Of course the ‘vacation’ meant when Reid took some time off before the hitman case to go to Las Vegas and see his mother. That’s when Reid must have learned about her Alzheimer's. Derek frowned, he had hoped for good news about his mother, instead of more bad news. But there was nothing he could do to change it, he could only remind Reid that he wasn’t alone, that the team, his family, that HE would always be there for him.

“Well, that’s why I’m here. To make sure he is taken care of.”

The door buzzed open as she let him in. he smiled and walked up the stairs to see her in her pajamas, white hair mess and her loving smile,, “you’re a good friend Derek Morgan, he is very lucky to have you in his life.”

Her blind honesty surprised him but he smiled back, “thank you ma’am but I think we are the lucky ones, he is pretty incredible.”

Her smile only widened, “indeed we are, I hope to see you again soon. Good night Derek.”

He watched her turn to walk inside and muttered a ‘good night’ before she closed the door and locked it. He walked the few feet down to Spencer’s door and knocked lightly, hoping that he wasn’t waking him up. A few moments when he didn’t answer, that feeling of worry crept up his spine and sent panic coursing through him. He couldn’t help remembering the last time he had walked in Spencer’s door unannounced, it hadn’t been the best time in his life. Derek groaned and set the beer on the ground next to his feet so he could knock harder.

“Kid, it’s Morgan, let me in.”

He waited, almost afraid to breathe too loudly. He didn’t want to run the risk of missing any kind of noise inside the apartment. But nothing happened, his heart beat faster as he knocked again. Pounding on the door as hard as he could. At this point, he didn’t care if he woke up the entire building. Derek was trying not to let the panic take him, he tried to remain calm. He had no problem doing it at work but now? He couldn’t not freak out. His heart was racing, blood pounding in his veins. If he wasn’t careful, he would start to hyperventilate. Derek took a deep breath and tried to slow his breathing, taking another deep breath he knocked again.

“Reid, if you don’t open up, I’m kicking your door in.” 

Derek warned but still nothing happened. He closed his eyes and leaned forward to put his forehead against the door. There was no reason why he should worry right now, Spencer was probably just sleeping and when he woke up and started to make fun of him for it, Derek would be able to laugh later on about over reacting. There were plenty of other times that Reid hadn’t answered his door. The kid was a contradiction to himself, he yearned for human contact, craved friendship but he refused to put himself out there. Refused to take the necessary risks involved to meet other people. He feared rejection above all else. Suddenly, that bad memory was brought to the front of his mind once again and found about 100 reasons why it was okay to start freaking out about this.

It boiled down to two words: Tobias Hankel. Derek quickly juggled the items in his hands to one hand and dug quickly into the tight pocket of his jeans to find his set of keys that had Reid’s extra house key. The spare key to his door had been a gift of sorts, he remembered Reid giving it to him a month after he helped him kick the habit. Morgan could remember always dropping by his place, afraid that he would find him strung out again and Reid had gotten tired of him showing up at odd hours and waking him up, so he gave him the spare key. That way he would be able to let himself in, see that Spencer was alright, and head back home before it became a big deal. 

Derek finally found the right key and almost broke the damn thing off as he roughly pushed it into the lock. He just hoped the chain wasn’t locked or he would have to break down the door and Reid would never let him forget it and probably make him replace the damn thing.

“I’m coming in pretty boy, you better be decent or we are gonna have issues.” Morgan tried to joke as he pushed the door in and walked into the dark apartment. Derek closed the door and once again slowed his breathing to listen. He set the items from the store on the small coffee table in the living room and called out once more.

“Spencer, come on man. I’m freakin out here..”

Silence greeted him and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Something wasn’t right. He groaned and walked down the dimly lit hallway. Spencer’s bedroom was empty and his messenger bag was no where to be found. Only one more door left, the bathroom and if he wasn’t in there, then he wasn’t home. Dejavu, the last time he found Reid in the bathroom, he had over dosed, laid half dead on the floor. He was able to live through finding him like that once before but Derek knew he wouldn’t be able to see it again. It would break him.

Derek stopped right in front of the door and a shadow passed under it and he knew Reid was inside. He swallowed thickly and tried the handle. It was locked. The door wasn’t the heavy duty kind that the front door was, he knew one good kick right next to the door knob would do the trick but there was no reason for alarm, not yet anyways.  
“Spencer, you okay in there?” No answer. “I saw your shadow kid, come out and we can talk about this.”

Nothing.. Derek put his ear to the door and listened. He could hear the rustling sound of the shower curtain moving and the unmistakable sound of muffled sobs. He gripped the door knob and twisted it hard, he really needed to see him, just to reassure himself that Spencer was alright. “If you’re ignoring me on purpose, I’m taking the food and booze I bought for you home with me.” That’s it…he thought to himself, he was done playing this game.

“I’m comin in kid,” Derek moved back and with one swift kick to the door, it busted in and banged against the wall. His mind, as a defense mechanism to protect him from what he was about to see, refused to process what was happening. He looked around for what seemed like forever, hoping that the sink or the toilet might help explain what was going on, when the fog cleared and he was able to see it for what it was, a nightmare. His nightmare. When he saw it, Derek stumbled over his own feet until his back hit the wall and he had to reach out before he fell.

Reid was laying in the bathtub, his shoes and shirt gone, his tie loose around his neck. His usual boy band hair slicked with sweat and plastered to his face. Dark, angry, red circles under his carmel colored eyes. The shirt he had on earlier, the purple one that Derek bought him was now ripped, crumpled under one of his arms. Spencer was hugging it to his body like it was a life line. But the one thing Derek could never unsee, was the punctured vial of dilaudid on the ground next to the bathtub, the tourniquet wrapped tightly around one of his arms and the drug filled syringe in the other hand. It was angled to the crook of his arm, seconds away from being injected. In two large steps, Derek grabbed the syringe away from him and caught Spencer’s free arm with his other hand before Spencer realized it was taken away from him.

“Morgan!” Spencer screamed and tried his hardest to jerk his arm away. He hadn't even heard Derek enter the house or the room and the man was too quick to allow himself to be hit but that didn’t stop Spencer from trying. 

Derek ignored his pathetic attempts to hit him and threw the syringe into the sink so hard that it broke and the poisonous liquid slid down the sink. He still had one of Reid’s arms in his grip and with his now free hand, Derek grabbed the vials on the floor and tossed them into the sink as well. Only then, when they washed down the sink, was he able to finally take a breath, to relax and handle the rest of the situation. Namely Spencer still trying to hit him.

“Reid, what the hell man?” Derek barked out the question, his tone reminded him of when he used to reprimand his niece and nephew. Reid was literally throwing a fit right now, his arms flailed around, trying to push him away but he wasn’t moving. Spencer would not get himself out of the tub, not even to hit him properly.

“Get off Morgan! It’s not your business.” Spencer screamed at the top of his lungs, clawing Derek’s right arm with his blunt nails.

Derek winced as his nails bit into the skin of his arm, “the hell it isn't Reid. Now stop this shit before I make you.” Derek would only warn him once before doing it.

But Spencer didn’t listen, he could only think about how mad he was that Morgan had destroyed his only supply and his mind started to think about the fastest way he could get more. 

“That’s it kid, I warned you!” Derek growled and reached for the cold water knob in the shower. The freezing water poured out of the shower head and right onto Spencer’s thrashing body.  
Reid tried to move but Derek just held him in place and let the water rush over him, while trying to avoid it himself.

“That’s cold, get off me!!”

He smirked a little, trying not to find so much pleasure in this gloomy situation but Reid deserved it and more, “then stop acting like a baby Reid.”

Spencer let his hands go lip and within moments, the cold water was turned off and he was left soaking wet in the tub. Derek’s hand still hot on his chest. His eyes closed as shivers wracked his body, the only heat coming from Derek’s hand.

“That wasn’t so hard was it?” Derek spat and sat down on the wet floor near the tub. Unwilling to move away from him. “I thought you were past this.”

“Past what?”

Derek scuffed, “past trying to pump your body full of poison.”

Spencer let out a laugh that, even to his own ears, sounded dark and a little evil, “well you thought wrong. Just because you choose to forget about it and me, doesn’t mean that I have the same luxury.”

Derek felt like he had been slapped across the face. His nasty words had that much of an impact on him, “I would never be able to forget what happened. It’s not like it was YOU that had to watch someone you care about try time and time again to kill himself.”

Reid glanced over at him and glared, wanting nothing more than to be alone, “just get out Derek, you’re done playing the hero for me.”

Derek balled up his fists, if it had been anyone else that said that he would have knocked them on their asses but this was Reid and knew how smart the little asshole was. Reid was trying to piss him off, on purpose. He was trying to push him away but Derek wouldn’t let that happen.

“Is that really all you got kid?”

Spencer just glared again, “unless you want a real fight, get out.”

Derek just laughed, “even if you weren’t strung out, your skinny ass wouldn’t be able to beat me and we both know it.”

“Why are you here, you wanna rub your perfect life in my face again?” Spencer looked down at the shirt and slowly tucked it into one side, hoping that Derek was to angry at him to notice that he had been clutching it the entire time.

“I have never rubbed my life in your face. If anything, I have tried to include you in it because I see you as my family. Why the hell else would I be here right now?” Derek barked again, getting angrier by each word that came out of his mouth.

“I’m not your family Derek. I’m just the new kid that you were forced to work with. You were made to like me. Hotch didn’t give you much of a choice.” Each of his words were like snake venom, he couldn’t hold it back any longer. The pain he felt was too much.

Derek pushed himself up into a crouch so he could turn and face him. His blood already boiling under his skin. “You have lost your damn mind if you think that. Guess to you, I’m just the brainless, alpha male who lever lets anyone help him.”

Spencer turned to look at him, seeing the hurt and rage in those searing brown eyes, “you know that’s not true.”

Derek’s rage retreated at the broken sound in Reid’s voice. All that anger just dripped away. He knew Spencer didn’t actually mean any of those ugly words and would regret saying them until the day he died. That was the only reason Derek forgave him.

“I know kid and I also know you know how much I care about you.”

He watched Reid smile back sadly and nod his head in understanding. The kid looked fucked, and not in the good way either. He looked like he was an inch away from death and it kicked Derek into high gear. His protective side, the alpha male side, came out of him again. It had become his job of sorts to help him. Spencer wasn’t a burden like he believed himself to be, Derek  
cared about him. Probably more than he should.

“I do know,” Spencer whispered, not wanting to meet that blazing stare. It did so many different things to him. Some things he didn’t understand or want to acknowledge. “But what I don’t understand is why..”

Spencer had no idea why Derek seemed to care about him as anything more than a colleague. The only person he could understand true affection from was his mother. He had spent years trying to figure out the riddle that was Derek Morgan but it was still a big mystery to him. 

“Why what Reid?”

Spencer looked up for a split second but it was long enough for those eyes to get to him, “why do you care about me so much?! I’ve asked myself that question for years but there is no logical reason. We have nothing in common, yet you treat me better than anyone else in my entire life, my mother and myself included. It just doesn’t make sense.”

Derek cleared his throat and just as he opened his mouth to speak again, Spencer shivered. Derek stood and grabbed the towel that was hanging up on the hook , ignoring the fact that it smelled just like Spencer did. A hint of vanilla and sweet smelling coffee. He held it open and nodded to him, “get out of there Reid, you’re shivering.”  
Spencer shook his head and stepped out of the tub and into the opened towel. He tried to keep his reaction to himself but when Derek’s strong arms circled him, he shivered even more and had to bite his lip to keep from moaning. Spencer grabbed the ends of the towel and his fingers brushed up against Derek’s.

“You never answered my question.” Spencer said, trying to get his mind back on track.

Derek huffed but kept his arms loosely around Spencer as he tried to dry him off, “I didn’t think I need a reason.”

“Well you do,” Spencer jerked the towel away from Derek but he just held on tighter.

Derek kept his grip tight and shot Spencer a glare, “stop throwing a fit Reid, just let me.”

He tossed his arms up and let Derek towel dry his face and hair as if he was still five years old. Part of him loved this, having Derek taking care of him but the other side, the smarter side knew if he let himself enjoy it, then it when it was gone it would just hurt ten times more. 

“I’m not an infant Derek, I can dress myself.”

Derek didn’t react, he just put the towel around Spencer’s shoulders and dried the ends of his hair, “I never said you couldn’t, just stop whining.”

“I’ll stop, but only if you answer my question honestly.”

Derek huffed again, the nerve of this kid… “I still don’t think I need a reason to care about you but fine, if you insist.” He took a deep breath before he continued, “I care about you because you’re a wonderful person, I care because you are my best friend. I don’t like when you are unhappy kid, it makes me unhappy.”

Spencer’s heart did little flips in his chest, a smile threatening to escape and break the mood but then the words hit him, ‘best friends’. To Morgan, that’s all they would ever be and it crushed a part of him. He looked away as a tear slid down his cheek and a small sob escaped his lips. Spencer cleared his throat and quickly wiped the tear away before Derek could see it.

“Okay, thanks.”

Derek cocked his head to the side, trying to figure out the sudden change in his behavior. He was throwing Derek for a loop today, it was a roller coaster of emotions, “that’s it? Why dot you tell me the truth now..”

“There is nothing to tell Morgan. I accept your explanation. Now, I would like to head to bed now so..”

Derek blocked the hallway as Spencer tried to go around him. He crossed his arms over his chest and used his bulk to his advantage. “Nice try Reid but I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.”

It all happened at once and without his permission. Another sob escaped but he couldn’t rein it in this time. They just spilled out and each one sounded more heart breaking than the last. He gave up trying to get past Morgan and leaned against the nearest wall instead before his legs gave out. The tears in his eyes fell freely and he felt weaker with each one.

With a broken voice, Spencer spoke, “just go, please.”

Derek’s face softened and he dropped the defensive stand. He felt helpless looking at him. He did what he would do if Reid was his mamma or one of his sisters. He pulled Spencer into his arms until he was surrounding him.

“Pretty boy…” Derek started but Spencer cut him off.

“Just don’t Derek..” Spencer said, leaning his head against Derek’s shoulder, “just don’t leave me.”

Derek shut his eyes and his arms circled him tighter, “I won’t kid, just talk to me. Please…”

“She’s leaving me Derek. I’m going to be alone.” Spencer sobbed, holding onto him like his life depended on it.

“I know and I’m so sorry.”

He hiccuped, “the only family I have, the only one who loves me , who needs me is forgetting me.”

The way he sounded, the helplessness, hopelessness in his voice was bringing Derek close to tears. He had to take a deep breath before he spoke again, this was not the time for him to loose it. Spencer needed him to be strong, to help him as he cried.

“I know how unfair it is. And if I could fix it or change it, I would. But you aren't alone Spencer. We are all here for you and we all love you.”

Spencer gripped him tighter, “I know but it’s different. She’s family, she really loves me for me. Not just because she had to.”

Derek wanted to disagree and correct him but he knew what Reid was trying to say. “No matter what happens, she will always be your mom, your family. We can’t give up kid, you can’t.”

“Why not?” Spencer asked, his voice kept breaking.

Derek pulled back and pushed his damp hair away from his face, “because, we need you in our lives kid, I need you.” Derek admitted, the words he spoke couldn’t have been more honest. His life without Spencer was something he never wanted to go back to.

Spencer let out a broken laugh, “don’t take this wrong but that makes everything worse.” When Derek tilted his head in confusion Spencer continued, “you say that because I’m your best friend, right?”

Derek nodded, “yes, you are. Don’t you feel the same?”

Spencer shrugged, “I may be your best friend but you’re my…” Spencer couldn’t say it, not yet.

“I’m your what?” Derek asked, his heart racing in his chest.

Fresh tears fell, “you’re my everything.”

Derek’s mouth dropped open. He hadn’t expected Spencer to say THAT of all things. He watched every emotion fly across Spencer’s face. Fear, rejection, a dash of hope and despair. He knew Reid was ony comfortable around him, that he only let Derek touch him and tease him but he didn’t think it could be anything like this. A warm feeling flooded his chest after the first wave of shock cleared. Everything made sense now. Everything. Each part of their friendship. He watched as Spencer just stared at him, there was no hope on his face. He was simply telling Derek how he felt, with no hopes of getting anything out of it.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Spencer laughed, “and say what? That I’m in love with you, my best friend. My only friend, the ultimate ladies man, the alpha male..”

He shook his head, “were you afraid to tell me?”

“That I’m gay or that I want you?”

Derek heart clenched tightly, “both, either.”

He nodded, “I have no insecurities about being gay. I just didn’t want our friendship to change because of it. I didn’t want to make it weird, to make you feel weird. I wouldn’t be able to take it if you stopped being my friend.”

Something strange happened to him. As Spencer kept talking, his body was reacting. His heart felt heavy and warm at his confession. His mind felt like a puddle of mush. Why would this make him smile like an idiot, why would it make him happy? Derek smiled and cupped Spencer’s face, getting a surprised look from him, “we would always be friends kid, no matter what. I’m asking myself why it makes me happy that you feel that way and I have no idea why.”

“It does?” Spencer asked, his heart speeding up like a galloping horse.

Derek nodded, “I think deep down I knew you felt this way. I think I have known for awhile. Everything makes sense now.”

For a moment, Spencer thought Derek was just messing with him. Saying what he needed to, to ensure that Spencer not hurt himself again. But the way his body changed, it wasn’t just a lie. 

The way his eyes glowed as he looked at him now. Hope flared in his chest, but why would Derek like him feeling that way, it didn’t make much sense.

“What makes sense?”

“Everything. The way we are, how we treat each other. You only let me touch you, you only open up to me about whats really bothering you. You don’t do that with anyone else and I have been grateful but wondered why that is.” Derek watched Spencer blush but still tears fell from his eyes, “did I say something wrong?”

Spencer shook his head, “this doesn’t change anything Derek. I’m happy I finally told you but what does it mean for you? You still have a girlfriend, remember?”

Derek had nearly forgotten that. He had just been so flattered by Spencer’s words, he totally forgot he was with Savannah. But Reid was right, it didn’t change anything. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt this way. He knew that he had always had a soft spot for him, that he went out of his way to accommodate him more than anyone else on the team. He teased him but not in a mean way, got his coffee just the way he liked it without being asked, it was weird to look back on his own behavior and notice this…he liked Spencer..more than just ‘like’ in the friend way. 

“I guess it doesn’t change anything but it could. I guess I didn’t notice my own behavior like I noticed yours.” Derek let his thumb smooth over Reid’s smooth cheek, he smiled as Spencer leaned into the palm of his hand, seeking comfort, “what if we could change things?” Derek asked, making instant eyes contact when Spencer’s eyes flew open in surprise.

“What would change?”

Derek leaned in closer, tilting Reid’s head to the side so he could run his lips over the smooth skin of his cheek, “everything would change pretty boy. I won’t lie, knowing you want me like ‘that’,” he groaned deeply, “it does something to me.”

Spencer literally shuddered, “what does it do?”

Derek grabbed Spencer’s hand with the one that wasn’t on his face and moved it right to the bulge in his jeans. They both groaned, Derek’s body arching into Spencer’s palm, just as Spencer closed his fist tightly around him.

“That’s what it does to me baby..”

Spencer moaned, “say it again..”

Derek chuckle was low and sexy, right into Spencer’s ear, “what I meant to say was, you get my cock so hard baby, hard and ready.”

Spencer moaned again, unable to help himself. He moved his face so that his cheek was able to scrape against the stubble on Derek’s jaw, the rough foreign feeling shot licks of fire down his spine, “tell me more.”

Continuing to rub his mouth and cheek against Spencer’s soft skin, Derek couldn’t stop the smile that lit up his face, “you like my voice, don’t you baby?”

Spencer nodded, his eyes closing to get the full effect of his deep voice.

“You like it when I tell you what to do, don’t you baby?”

Unable to speak, Spencer just nodded again. His face heating up at Derek’s bold words. When he spoke like this, Spencer was unable to speak, his mind turning to mush at the sound of that deep, demanding voice.

“Answer me Spencer,” Derek commanded, the high he got from knowing that he was rendering Spencer speechless was empowering.

“Yes,” Spencer breathed, “yes, I love when you talk. I love when you tell me what to do.”

Derek chuckled into his ear, moving down to the smooth column of Spencer’s neck, “then listen up pretty boy,” Derek placed an open mouthed kiss against his neck, “Im going to devour every inch of you tonight. I’m going to give you everything you need.”

The words made Spencer sway, “yes!!”

Derek’s mouth moved down his neck, kissing as he went lower, “and I want to hear those sexy little moans you make for me.”

Derek released the hold on Spencer’s face and removed the towel from his shoulders, letting it drop to the floor in a wet flop. His mouth went right back to Spencer’s neck, moving to kiss down to his prominent collar bones, “tell me exactly what you need baby.”

Derek was trying hard to control himself as he spoke but knowing he was going to be in charge of Spencer’s pleasure was such a rush. His body thrummed with excitement and need. His cock hard and ready, pushing up against his jeans. He wanted to throw Spencer down and have his way with him but this was even better, he wanted Spencer to tell him what he needed.

“I want to touch you Derek. I want to make you feel like you make me feel. Needy, sexy and wanted. I want to make you moan and come.” Spencer said quietly, moving to bring their faces closer together.

Derek smiled and stepped back, spreading his arms out wide with a sexy smirk on his face, “well, I’m all yours baby, take what you want.”

Spencer moved quickly, grabbing Derek behind the neck and bringing their lips together. They both moaned, their lips moving in sync with each other. Derek let his hands circle Spencer’s waist, his fingers digging into his lower back. Spencer arched his back, bringing their bodies closer together.

Derek was smiling as they kissed. He loved how needy Spencer was in this moment. Those large hands of his moving down his body, his fingers quickly touching his nipples, sending jolts of  
lust down his body. He never once felt this way with Savannah. he could literally feel the lust and want Spencer had for him.

Derek broke the kiss with a smile and took a deep breath. Spencer’s eyes were lust filled and half closed, he looked beautiful, “eager huh baby?” he asked, seeing Spencer blush just made him smile wider. 

“Take it off.” Spencer tugged at Derek’s shirt, he was itching to get his hands on Derek’s skin. To feel the muscles rip beneath his fingers. He watched Derek smile and quickly shrug his shirt off, tossing it to the side. Spencer swallowed, his mouth suddenly going dry at the sight of him. He really was sexy, dark rich mocha skin, muscles on every inch of his body. Spencer let his fingers trail from his collar bones, down over his pectoral muscles, skim past his nipples and down the prominent six pack. 

“See something you like?” Derek teased, his own hands roaming all over Spencer’s tanned skin. He was as smooth as butter, he couldn’t find one imperfection on his body. When Spencer blushed at his question, he smiled and leaned forward to capture his lips once more. Spencer’s hands moving down to his belt, slipping it through the loops and tugging it free. He did the same to Spencer, tugging the wet jeans down those impossibly long legs, “you wreck me baby.” Derek whispered, feeling the palm of Spencer’s hand rubbing against him.

“The feeling is mutual Derek.” Spencer pushed Derek’s jeans down to the floor and moved away from his lips so he could kiss and bite at his chest. Going lower with every kiss, feeling Derek’s hands tangling in his hair, leading him south. Spencer placed a bite to Derek’s left hip bone and grinned when he heard Derek whimper, his hand tightening in his hair. “Come on baby, let me feel that mouth.”

Spencer pulled down Derek’s black briefs and moaned low in his throat. Derek was so much bigger than he imagined he would be. Thick and long, veins running up his length, it looked very heavy and he swallowed back a moan. He glanced up to see Derek smiling at him, his mouth open in a pant. He looked totally gone and they hadn’t even started yet. Spencer opened his mouth, his tongue sticking out so he could lick up from the base of Derek’s cock, all the way to the tip. Derek groaned loudly, his head thrown back. Spencer sucked on the head, tasting the pre-come that had gathered there.

“Fuck kid, show me what you really want.” Derek chuckled, half joking when Spencer opened his mouth wide and gulped him all down. His body spasmed as he could feel the back of Spencer’s mouth closing around him. His eyes rolled back in his head and the grip in Spencer’s hair got tighter, “easy..easy baby..fuck you got me close already.”

Spencer pulled back with a plop, his pink lips ready and wet, “I thought you had more stamina then that.”

Derek shook his head and pulled Spencer up by his hair, “I’ll show you how much stamina I have baby.” He grabbed Spencer by his perky ass and hoisted him up, groaning when his cock moved against his as he got settled. Those long legs wrapped around his hips and pushed them closer together. Spencer went right for his neck, biting and licking at his neck and ear, his nails digging into his back. “Jesus, you are a needy little thing aren’t you?”

Spencer shifted against him, rubbing their cocks together once more and Derek lost it. He backed them up until Spencer’s back clashed against the wall. He gripped his hips tightly and thrust against him. Spencer almost screamed, holding on tighter and it only made Derek smile. He slipped his hands under Spencer’s wet boxers and gripped the globes of his ass. He almost came when he slid one finger between his cheeks, hearing Spencer suck in a breath and clench around him.

“Hurry Derek,” Spencer whined, one hand coming around to his front to grip Derek’s cock, giving it a few pumps trying to urge him on.

One hand slipped from Spencer’s boxers and Derek sucked one finger into his mouth. Spencer watching the whole time, his eyes glazed over. Derek knew he loved this so he teased him. 

Licking his finger like he would a cock, watching Spencer’s eyes widen and he could feel his cock twitching against his belly, Derek swirled his tongue all around it, hollowing out his cheeks before slowly pulling it out of his mouth.

“I ever knew that could look that sexy.” Spencer mumbled, half out of his mind with want and need.

Derek grinned and slipped his hand back into Spencer’s boxers, circling his tight little hole with one slick, thick finger. He didn’t give him any warning before pushing his finger in all the way to the second knuckle. Spencer tensed around him, squeezing him impossibly tight, trying to suck him deeper. Derek buried his face into Spencer’s neck, licking and sucking on it, getting him even more worked up, “fuck pretty boy, your ass is tight as hell.”

Spencer moaned and started to work himself up and down that one finger, but it wasn’t enough. He needed more, “I need more Derek.”

Derek pressed another one in beside it, scissoring his fingers apart, trying to stretch him open but he wouldn’t do another one, “you only get two baby.”

“Why only two?” Spencer whined, knowing that Derek was WAY bigger than just two fingers. 

Derek pushed them in deeper until he could feel that bundle of nerves deep inside his ass, he wiggled his fingers quickly, teasing his prostate and Spencer screamed for him, the sound was like music to his ears, “because I want you to feel the burn for days after I’m done with you. I want you to feel me every single time you walk.” 

“Even if you used four fingers, I still would feel you for days.” Spencer grinned, someone commenting on his size and keeping a semi straight face as he did it.

Derek gave that sexy little smirk and pulled his fingers out before pushing Spencer’s boxers under his ass so they didn’t move. He put his hand up to his mouth and quickly spit in his hand before reaching down to slick up his cock. He knew it wouldn’t be enough, for either of them but he couldn’t wait any longer. “Hold on baby boy, this is going to be a little rough for each of us.”

Spencer squirmed, he loved the burn but it might be too much this time, “just fuck me already, I don’t give a shit if it hurts.”

Derek couldn’t agree more, he aimed his cock and pushed in hard and fast. He knew Spencer could feel every inch of him. The kid hissed and those long legs tightened around him as he almost crawled up his body to get away. But Derek held him by the hips, keeping him seated on his cock until he pushed all the way in. Even though it burned, he knew Spencer loved it, his cock was still full and ready, bobbing between their bodies. 

“God damn pretty boy, your ass is so tight..” He groaned and bit into Spencer’s shoulder, marking him. It would be well above the collar of his shirts and he wanted everyone to see it. “How does it feel baby?”

Spencer whimpered, feeling every single inch of him. It wasn’t that he was particularly long, but fuck he was wide. Stretching him like no one else had before, “it hurts Derek but please don’t stop. I have wanted this for a long time and I’m not gonna stop.”

“That’s the right answer baby, hold on.” Derek bit him harder and started to pound into him so hard that Spencer’s head kept trying to bounce off the hard wall and he had to put one hand on the back of his head so it didn’t hurt him. “Grip tight baby, moving to the bedroom.”

Spencer nodded and made sure to hold on tight as Derek walked them the short distance to his room. Derek almost tripped over books and clothes scattered on the floor. Each time, his cock would slide against his prostate which was the only thing that made raw fucking even bearable. 

“Too much shit in here!” Derek growled and they finally made it to the bed. He threw Spencer down, sliding out of him with a hiss from both of them, “get the lube, you’re going to ride me baby.”

Spencer, even though he was sore, moved quickly to the drawer by his side of them bed. He rummaged in the dark until he felt the medium sized tube of lube and slicked his fingers before rubbing his slightly used hole, hissing a bit before he was done. Then he crawled back to Derek, squirting some in his hand and working all over his cock. 

Derek moaned, his legs shaking as Spencer slicked him up, “get over here baby boy, come show me what you want.”

Spencer smiled and came to him, crawling back up his body as Derek’s large hands lifted him back up like he had been, he angled Derek’s cock until he slid in. This time, his entire body shook with pleasure, lube made everything feel that much better. But the burn was still there, he refused to stretch himself anymore. “God Derek, I’m surprised you didn’t brag about your size  
at work.”

Derek chuckled and moved so he was sitting on the bed, Spencer hovering above him. Slowly taking his cock in and out of his perky ass, “I didn’t want to make anyone thirst baby, I know I’m hard to resist without mentioning my size.” Derek joked, grabbing Spencer’s slim hips as he gave one hard thrust up.

Spencer’s laughed died on his mouth when he thrusted up, making him fall forward. His nipple was right by Derek’s mouth and he didn’t hesitate to suck on it, using his teeth to pull and tease it into a hardened peak. Spencer rounded his hips, feeling every part of his cock touching every part of his ass. He could feel his orgasm coming strong and he was unable to stop it.  
“Derek..Der, I can’t stop it..” he whined, touching his cock in time with Derek’s hard thrusts.

He slapped Spencer’s ass hard, feeling his own orgasm coming any second, “tell daddy where you want it.”

Spencer bucked his hips, he had never, in his wildest dreams thought of calling Derek that but damn did it have an impact, he was closer than he had been before, “fuuuck I love that Der.” He moaned, fisting his cock faster, “and I want it all inside me but fuckin hurry, I can’t wait now that you said that.”

Derek growled, loving that Spencer liked the little pet name, for some reason, Derek had a daddy kink and the way Spencer said it…that alone could make him come. “say my name then baby, I’m gonna fill you up.”

Spencer screamed and came all over Derek’s chest, white streaks of come coating his dark chest, “daddy!!!”

That’s all it took for him to throw his head back, grip Spencer’s ass tightly and come so hard his vision blurred, “God baby!!” 

Spencer smiled, he could feel Derek filling him up. He tried to catch his breath, leaning into Derek’s chest until he was done. He could feel his larger body twitching, trying to come back down. He kissed his sweat slicked chest, loving how good this had all worked out. It had been better than he ever thought.

Derek rubbed over Spencer’s back, then his hips, trying to ease some of the pain he must be feeling, if he didn’t now, he would soon, “you alright baby, didn’t do it too hard did I?”

Spencer chuckled and leaned forward enough for Derek to slip out of him, “oh no, I’m gonna be waddling like a pegnuin for a few weeks but no, it wasn’t too hard.”

Derek smiled and lifted Spencer’s face up so he could see him, “promise me, no more almost relapses…promise kid..”

He got dead serious, feeling the shame in spades, “I’m so sorry Derek, I wasn’t doing it for attention. I didn’t even know you would be coming over.”

“I know baby, that’s why this time is scarier. I can’t loose you, not ever. So you promise me right now, if you ever need it again, when you crave it, use me instead. We can fuck for days if you need but no more of that.”

Spencer’s cock twitched, even after that mind blowing orgasm. He could just seem them literally fucking for days on end, shut inside his bed room. The sheets dirty and smelling like sex. 

Only stopping to eat and drink before doing it again. He shivered, almost wanting the cravings to start right away. He looked at Derek and saw him smirking, he knew that Derek knew what he was thinking.

“I promise Derek but will you promise we can do this even without the cravings?”

He nodded, “we aren’t ever stopping this baby, but I need you to tell me what you need when you start to crave it. And if I ever see anything like I did today..there will be no more of this..”

Spencer’s eyes widened at that, “I won’t! Promise…”

Derek smiled and ran his thumb over Spencer’s perfect, heart shaped lips, “good, now kiss me until I get hard enough to take you again..”


End file.
